


Over the valley and through the woods

by Angie_leena



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Daddy Kink, Developing Relationship, Emotional, Getting Together, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-08-22 07:04:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16593158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angie_leena/pseuds/Angie_leena
Summary: When Murphy returns to camp. He's quiet. He's unable to take care of himself and Bellamy takes it upon himself to take care of the boy who nowadays really was more of a boy than a man. As their relationship develops Bellamy isn't sure how much of their relationship is right and how much is wrong. But he wants to find out and he wants Murphy to want to too.**************************************************The first couple of weeks Murphy had been back, when those bad days had been almost constant, everyone had ignored him, until one day he passed out. Abby had told them that he was dehydrated from the lack of water and weak from not eating. Bellamy had felt guilty for not noticing. Guilty for letting himself again be indifferent to someone else's struggles. Someone who he should have been looking out for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been so exited to write and post this. I really hope everyone likes it as much as I liked writing it because I really did. I wanted Murphy to be taken care of. For Bellamy to be the one to take care of him. And Bellamy needs to be someone's daddy. So that's where we are here. Enjoy

Complicated. That was probably the best word to use. Complicated and Confusing and Capricious. Maybe Captivating. Cerulean was a good one too with those deep eyes of his. Cute was one, but didn't seem like enough. Not that he was ever going to be using that one out loud. Of all the C- words Bellamy could think of to describe Murphy, Crying wasn't one of them.

But there he was: in the furthest spot in camp he could get without actually leaving. He had a hoodie on that Bellamy had never seen him in. It was too big, sleeves bunching over one wrist and dangling past his hand on the other, the bottom stretched tight over knees he had drawn up to his chest as he sat against the fence post. Red eyes, swollen and scrunched up. His bottom lip caught between his teeth. The way he had his head angled made the tears running down his face shimmer in the moonlight and there really was no reason Bellamy should find him as attractive as he did right now, but well, he did. He noticed his bare feet sticking out of the bottom of the sweater and the way his toes were curling against the ground; his heart did something weird in his chest he would never be able to explain. 

“Murphy? You ok over there?” He called out softly so he wouldn't startle the boy. He had bad days and not as bad days. A good day even every once in a while, and most everyone had learned not to go too near until they could figure out the kind of day he was having. 

Murphy startled so badly when he heard him, he almost fell over in his rush to get up. His eyes shot open and he looked like he was about to run away. A not as bad day then. Those usually consisted of Murphy following someone around, but running away if they acknowledged him without him wanting them to. Which was hard considering sometimes he spoke like his inner monologue was on the outside. It was weird and annoyed most people, but Bellamy didn't mind the company. He even figured out that so long as you didn't actually say his name you could talk and he would stick around. They'd even worked up to Bellamy being able to make eye contact with him without Murphy fleeing like a scared bird. 

“ Hey, you alright?” Bellamy shot forward in case he actually did fall. Murphy only nodded in response. He itched to wipe the tears from his face. To loosen his bright red bottom lip from between his teeth. To run his thumb over it and sooth the indentations that were left behind. . . . 

Bellamy shook his head to get rid of those thoughts. The last thing Murphy needed was Bellamy's not so thought out attraction rearing its ugly head. Instead he put his hand on his shoulder, not missing the way Murphy leaned into the touch and his eyes fluttered. 

“Come on, you can tell me what's wrong,” Bellamy urged him gently, using the voice he used to use whenever Octavia wasn't feeling good when they were younger. 

“Don't know,” Murphy mumbled. Bellamy could feel him beginning to tense up again. 

“Did someone hurt you? Are you hurt?“ Murphy shook his head in denial. 

The hand buried in the large sweater came up to rub at his eyes, wiping away the tears. 

“Ok, good. That's good. You want me to walk you back to your room? You shouldn't be out here without shoes. You have little baby feet you know that,” Bellamy joked. Glancing down at his feet he saw his toes curling into the damp grass again. It brought a small smile to Bellamy's face. When he looked back up he saw Murphy's lips twist into a grin before he sucked his lip in again. 

He smiled a lot more now. Not the wicked smirk he used to always have but more genuine smiles when he followed people around listening to their daily interactions. Bellamy found himself looking more and more for those smiles. 

“Hey, come on now, let's give that lip a rest and get your toes warmed up ok?” Letting go of his arm he turned to walk away only to be stopped by a hand grabbing his jacket. Bellamy looked back over his shoulder and gave Murphy a questioning look but he wasn't looking back at him. Taking another step Murphy followed, hand not leaving his jacket as he was guided back towards the ark. 

Moving swiftly to get into the slightly warmer air, they made their way through camp side by side. Murphy's hand on his jacket still enveloped in the fabric of his sleeves almost made it look as if they were holding hands. The thought spread warmth through his belly and he could feel the tips of his ears heating up. Murphy didn't seem to notice or if he did He didn't care.  
\----------------------  
Bellamy knew everyone thought he was too accommodating with the boy. Especially on his really bad days when all Murphy did was sit in one spot and while everyone moved around him. Days where you never knew if approaching him meant he was going to attack, or ignore you completely .Those days he never spoke to anyone. Bellamy would make sure he had water and that he ate. The first couple of weeks Murphy had been back, when those bad days had been almost constant, everyone had ignored him, until one day he passed out. Abby had told them that he was dehydrated from the lack of water and weak from not eating. Bellamy had felt guilty for not noticing. Guilty for letting himself again be indifferent to someone else's struggles. Someone who he should have been looking out for. The week after he had made sure to leave him with water and check on him. Making sure he was drinking and watching him eat. When the not so bad days started he had been bringing Murphy his water that morning. After his first sip he had told him that he would be back when he was relieved from guard duty for his lunch break. 

“ Alright you know the drill. Stay out of anyone's way, and make sure this bottle is done when I get back ok?” 

Murphy shook his head,but pulled his lip into his teeth. A nervous habit Bellamy had just begun to notice. He nodded at him and turned to leave. 

“Bell?” Murphy's voice sounded rough and dry from disuse. He could often be found talking to himself, but not much more than a whisper. As far as Bellamy knew the only person to actually talk to him in the whole month since his return had been Abby. 

“ Yeah Murph?” Bellamy stopped waking and turned back to give him his full attention. 

“ C-can I come with you? Don-don't wanna do anything ju-jus-just to watch? Please?” 

He had been on the verge of saying no, but the hopeful look on Murphy's face and the quiet, whispered plea made his heart tug so he said yes. 

“Yeah Murphy of course. Gonna be boring though ok? We don't want any trouble on the wall ok?” 

That was the first time Bellamy had seen a real smile from the boy. Honest, bright, and gone in a second. He didn't say much that first day but a week of him asking and following Bellamy around had everyone talking. Then he followed Miller. Then Bryan. Monty. Clarke. Even Raven though that had taken more time. Weird as everyone found it they allowed it and his not so bad days began to heavily out weight the bad days. 

His first good day came after Raven had a particularly nasty blow out with Wick. It had been her day with Murphy, but at that point he was more of an afterthought for most people. A few talked to him. Or more talked while he was there and no one else was. Raven usually did, she had some sort of uneasy truce with him that Bellamy had noticed one day when they came into the mess hall for dinner and Raven smiled at Murphy and gently patted his arm. Murphy had smiled softly after her and his hand lingered on the spot she touched. If Bellamy had felt more than fondness, felt something cold cooling in the pit of his stomach, watching Murphy smile after Raven, well he wasn't going to be examining that feeling. At all.

He's still not sure what had prompted the fight with Wick since it was quickly forgotten once he had come rushing into the workroom. The way Raven told it Wick was an asshole. When she had turned away from him and he grabbed her arm she had over balanced on her bad leg and stumbled into one of her tables. Murphy had jumped to help her up and when Wick made to touch her again, Murphy had attacked. By the time they had gotten him off, Wick had a broken nose and a black eye. 

“Damnit Bellamy let me go! He deserves it! He hurt her! That's right walk away you son of a bitch. Come back in here again and i'll kill you. Hear me! You fucking try touching her again you'll have me to answer to.” 

Everyone stared wide eyed at him. It was the first time they had seen some of the old Murphy sneak back in and no one knew what to do with it. But the rest of the day saw Raven and Murphy talking and even laughing together. Dinner was interesting in that everyone wanted to be around and see, but only Raven and Bellamy were actually interacting with Murphy. His good mood lasted a few days longer but not long enough in Bellamy’s opinion. They came back every once in a while but it was hard to tell when they would surface again. He wished he knew what brought them on because as much as he loved having Murphy around him and always knowing where he was, he knew Murphy didn't necessarily want to be dependant on the others. He had confided in Bellamy once that he was afraid of being on his own and unable to take care of himself but that he knew everyone hated taking care of him.Bellamy had tried reassuring him that it really didn't bother him. Because it didn't. He enjoyed taking care of him and watching out for him. And Murphy, Murphy needed someone to take care of him. Good day Murphy was few and far between and more than capable of being on his own, but this new Murphy needed someone to look after him. 

\---------------------  
Stepping into the ark ruins most of them took for their sleeping quarters, he was tugged back into the present by a pull on his sleeve. 

“Cold” Murphy said.

Bellamy frowned “Not any colder in here than it is out there Murphy, come on”. Reaching out with his other hand he untangled the hand Murphy still had on his jacket and took his thin wrist into his much larger grip. Murphy was no longer underweight, in fact Abby went so far as to call him healthy for his body type. But that only emphasized how much larger Bellamy was. He had no trouble wrapping all the way around his wrist with room to spare. He was larger in every sense of the word when it came down to it. And that thought really shouldn't have been as pleasurable as Bellamy found it. 

“ Floors cold Bel’meee” Murphy said again and tucked his head against his shoulder, arm squished between them. Bellamys breath caught in his throat. Murphy was never this affectionate. That and the way he had taken to saying his name , the way everyone else seemed to find some sort of morbid amusement with, combined to make the birds that had taken to flocking about in his stomach want to take flight and burst through his chest with fondness. But he tamped it down and did his best to act like he wasn't falling apart by trying to keep Murphy together. 

“ Which is why you should have shoes on. Your tiny feet can't handle it “ he told him smirking at the dirty look he got. “Come on let's get inside and get to your room. The faster we get there, the faster we can get you off the cold floor. Don't you have socks anywhere? Not that those would have helped you outside but still.” Bellamy talked as he brought Murphy along behind him. It wasn't far to the room. It being right next to his was a big help for the anxious knot of feelings he got whenever they were apart for too long. Again, he was NOT going to examine those feelings. Reaching the doorway he had Murphy open it and head in first. 

“ Ok, socks. Where are yours? I swear your feet are turning blue.” 

Murphy pointed to the corner of the room where his clothes were piled up. Another set of pants, his normal jacket, and a shirt all lay below a pair of obviously wet socks. Bellamy sighed

“ You don't have another pair? Alright i'll get you a pair of my extra ones. Not really socks. Octavia made some out of scrap cloth she found around camp, but it'll do for tonight. Be right back.” He started for the door when Murphy spoke up the same way he did all those months ago. 

“Can I come?”

“ I'm not leaving Murphy. I'm going right next door. Won't even be gone a minute. Just wait here” he left shutting the door behind him. Sure enough he was back in less than a minute with his repurposed socks. Something his mom had shown Octavia how to make years ago using old cloth that wouldn't be missed anywhere. When he got back into the room though, Murphy was curled up on the bed with his back to the door. His shoulders were shaking and Bellamy could hear soft hitching breaths coming from him. 

“ Murphy!? What is it?” Bellamy said as he shot across the room and sat on the corner of the bed. 

“ Don't know” Murphy said again but this time he didn't stop crying. 

“ Murphy? Murphy come on look at me. Please? Is it because I didn't let you come with me?” He asked voice full of worry. He could go everywhere he wanted, attach himself permanently to Bellamy's side if it meant that he was never the reason Murphy cried ever again. 

“ I-I just do-don't wanna be alone Bel-mee. They come for me at night and I'm a-always alone” Murphy cried, breath hitching and tears still steaming down his face.

“ Hey, hey it's ok. That was just a nightmare baby it's ok. Don't cry. Please don't cry.” Bellamy tried to soothe him but his voice was thick with emotion. How long had he been having nightmares and no one knew? During his stuttered statement Murphy had rolled over, curling himself around Bellamy's back so he took a chance and smoothed hair back from Murphy's face. He kept up a low soothing murmur until the crying stopped. Rubbed his hands over his back and up his sides while letting him know that he wouldn't let anything happen to him. Soon enough he had Murphy calmed down. Eyes closed, mouth moving along with words only he could hear. He thought he caught his name in there but couldn't be sure with the low light and the angle.

“Murphy? You ok?” 

“ Mmmhmm, yeah Bell I'm good” he said without opening his eyes “ I'm glad you stayed. Don't have’ta ya know”

“No, I don't. But I wanted to. Wanted to make sure you were ok. I still have those socks if you want them?”

Murphy opened his eyes a crack. Just enough to see the impossible blue of them through his lashes. His gaze was cool but assessing as he put his hand out. “ Sure i'll take em’ if your still offering” 

Bellamy smiled at how clear he sounded. With any luck tomorrow would be a good day and they could spend the day laughing with each other. Maybe go down to the lake like last time. 

“ Course I am. Here I got it” he replied turning to face where Murphy's feet were behind him.

“ What the hell! Your feet are like icicles!” He exclaimed as he took one almost pale blue foot in between his large hands. “No more going outside without shoes, you hear me!” He said while trying to rub warmth into the toes until he could see them pink up. When he didn't hear a response he turned to look at Murphy regretting his outburst immediately. 

He couldn't tell exactly what Murphy was thinking by the look on his face. His eyes were wide and wild looking but completely glazed over staring at Bellamy's hands. His mouth was hanging open and he could hear his breath coming out ragged, but not the way it was earlier when he was crying. As he looked at him his tongue flicked out across his bottom lip. Bellamy could imagine his own tongue taking the same route and his hands spasmed causing his thumbs to dig into the arch of the foot still in his hands. That action earned him a low moan. Murphy's eyes slid closed and his entire body twitched as if he'd been hit with a shocklash. Bellamy put conscious effort into easing his fingers into loosening up, not wanting to startle the boy. When he did pull back, his fingers skimmed across the sole which again made Murphy shiver, though not as violently as before. He kept his eyes down hoping Murphy wouldn't notice how hard the last minute had made him. When he felt a hand across his thigh he almost jumped until he realized Murphy was only grabbing the sock he had left dangling on his leg. 

Of course. 

Of course that was all it was to him. Of course Murphy saw nothing more than Bellamy trying to help him. To take care of him.He was an idiot to think that Murphy felt more than just some tension relief just then. Not the kind of tension he was currently building in Bellamy unfortunately. Taking the sock he refused to look up again. He slid it over his foot ignoring the shiver when his fingers moved over thin ankles then moved to do the same with the other foot. Minus the moaning hopefully. But then, just as he went to pull on the sock Murphy moved his foot. Bellamy chased him once, twice, before looking up at Murphy.

“Come on so you can go to sleep Murphy”

“ Aren't you gonna rub me again?” He asked biting his lip in a way that was going to drive Bellamy mad if he didn't look away soon. He cleared his throat  
“Do you want me to?” he asked. His voice came out thick with a tinge of desperation he prayed the other couldn't hear.Murphy nodded, eyes falling closed again. Bellamy swallowed past the lump in his throat and took the foot in his hands. Starting at the toes he rubbed them until all the blue bled into pink. Slid his hands down towards the ankle, feeling the slight bones with his fingers while his thumbs pressed hard into the arch.one hand wrapped around the back, rubbing his heel and Achilles tendon. The other hand squeezed tightly along the sides rhythmically. 

All the while he couldn't take his eyes off the writhing figure on the bed. Murphy was moaning softly, twisting his head on the pillow beneath his head. When a particularly good spot was hit he would arch his back, pressing his shoulders against the mattress even harder until dropping back down with a huff. After a minute or two his eyes slid open a crack to stare at the hands on his feet. Bellamy could feel his eyes burning into him as they followed his hands up his arms, to his shoulders, and finally he made eye contact with him. Seeing those bright eyes as Murphy practically moaned out his name made Bellamy moan out too.

Long and loud and Bellamy was mortified. He quickly yanked on the sock and rose to leave giving Murphy his back, unwilling to turn around with evidence of his arousal standing proud against his zipper. 

“Bel’meee? You leaving? But you said you would stay.” Murphy's voice cracked and so did Bellamy's resolve. And his erection. He spun around so fast that tripped himself landing on one knee in Murphy's bed. Murphy,for his part, looked startled.

“I am gonna stay. I told you. Nothing bad is gonna happen and no one's coming for you. I promise. I'll keep you safe. I'm gonna take care of you” Murphy smiled at him.

“ You'll take care of me?” He asked tentatively.

“ Yeah Kit. Yeah, i'll take care of you” Bellamy smiled down at him.

With that Murphy settled himself in pushing at Bellamy until he was next to him on his back. He arranged Bellamy's arms around himself and shoved a leg in between his. By the time Murphy was done they were completely intertwined. Bellamy stayed awake. He knew feelings were there. The ones he didn't want to examine quite yet. But he didn't know where Murphy was. And he needed to know if anything was gonna come out of anything. And God did he want something. Listening to the soft breaths Murphy gave Bellamy knew he was going to want this for a long time. Had wanted this for longer than he was ready to admit. 

Looking down he saw Murphy was still awake, looking up at him shyly through his lashes.

“ Night Murphy. Go to sleep ok?

He nodded against his chest. Bellamy didn't think he'd get a response but then quietly, so quietly had he not been holding his breath since he felt Murphy's mouth drop open against his sternum he would have missed it, Murphy whispered “ Night daddy” 

Bellamy felt his heart swell up to an almost painful degree. He had no idea what he did to deserve this but, yeah, he wanted it forever.


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up was hard to do. Sleep kept trying to pull him back and the hot, hot body in front of him wasn't helping anything. There was hair in his face and he was pretty sure he was drooling into it. As much as he tried he couldn't feel most of the arm he was laying on. Not wanting to move too much he gave up on that pretty quickly. Part of him had hoped he could see Murphy's face but the angle wasn't a good one. He enjoyed seeing him relaxed in sleep. Sleep was the only time that there wasn't a small line between his brows. It made something tickle deep in his chest to see Murphy at peace. A bigger part of him though wanted to wake him up. That was the part that was slowly but surely becoming aware of the body in his arms. Murphy ran so hot it sometimes worried him into thinking there was a fever coming in. He could feel how his body was wrapped around the smaller one in front of him. His head was pressed into the oily hair at the back of his head and his arms were wound around his small chest clutching him tightly. He could feel the sweat forming between their bodies at the contact. Murphy had curled in on himself slightly in his sleep. His legs tucked in so they rested almost between bellamy's knees. 

Whether by coincidence, or if his subconscious had purposely kept a respectful distance, Bellamy's hips were not flush against his thank god ( unfortunately). He had kept enough space between them, and the height difference was enough, that instead of Murphy's hips resting in the cradle of his own, they sat just a little higher. Murphy's lower back was touching against the top of his pelvis. Unfortunately his shirt had ridden. Up enough that the searing heat from his skin felt like it was burning a brand into Bellamy's lower abdomen. Part of him wanted to pull away to save himself but the rest of him wanted to burn into ashes in the blaze Murphy was igniting in him. He could feel the swell of his ass just out of reach in front of him and was almost desperate to close the gap and press against the radiating warmth coming from it. 

He could feel himself begin to harden further at the thought. At thinking about thrusting against him until Murphy could feel him. About taking the heat from his body and using it to build himself higher and higher. 

His hips stuttered forward before he could stop himself. The tip of his member slotting flawlessly in between twin globes in front of him for one breathtakingly perfect moment. 

Murphy exhaled sharply and dread pooled deep in Bellamy's chest. He immediately pulled back. Coughing, he tried to play it off praying he hadn't been noticed. Hoping for the first time in his life that he wasn't large enough or hard enough to have been caught. 

The hands over his left and Bellamy felt unnaturally cold. Of course just as he was letting himself realize he wanted more from Murphy he would be impulsive and push too hard. Pun not intended. He steeled himself for Murphy's reaction which, really, could go so many different ways. 

Murphy stretching out in front of him and pressing his entire body into his was not one of the reactions he was prepared for. 

Bellamy sucked in a breath and waited to see what Murphy would do. Pushing into him like he was, there was no way he wouldn't notice Bellamy hard and digging into his ass. Murphy moved and the breath he had been holding felt like it had been punched out of him. From the angle he was at he couldn't make out Murphy's face clearly but he could definitely make out the light blush making its way across his cheeks and staining his ears the prettiest pink Bellamy had ever seen. Murphy slightly rolled his hips back against Bellamys. So lightly had Bellamy not been so intently focused on cataloging every one of his movements for future reference,he probably wouldn't have noticed. As it was, he did, and before he could tell them to stop his arms tightened around murphy's chest. Bellamy heard his quick intake of breath and wondered what he was thinking. Wondered if the last couple of seconds were actually happening or if he was dreaming. 

And he had to be dreaming. Because really there was just no way that he actually had Murphy in his arms. No way Murphy was actually actively, Jesus so so actively, rolling his hips harder and harder against him. It was impossible that he was grabbing Bellamy's hand and leading it down his body showing him that no, Bellamy was not the only one hard and desperate right now. 

Murphy let out a high pitched keen that had Bellamy panting. Desperate to hear that sound again and again Bellamy curled his hand against Murphys length. He rolled his hips harder into Murphy, meeting him each time he moved. He used his hand to push him back harder on every thrust. With the arm left still wrapped around his chest he tried pulling him even closer and buried his face in murphys neck where he could feel the hot skin burn even brighter. Licking and sucking on the tender skin Bellamy moaned his name over and over again. When he felt Murphy pull at the elastic of his shorts Bellamy didn't waste a second to pull them down so they rested just below the curve of his ass. Doing the same to his own he finally felt him, skin to skin, and thought maybe this was it, he was going to die here with his dick shoved as deep as he could get it between Murphy's pale cheeks without actual penetration and with his big hand wrapped around Murphy's hot length. There was no way there was life outside of this moment because this was perfection. 

Bellamy began to pump the shaft in his hand revelling in the throaty whimpers Murphy let out. He could hear him begging and whining but couldn't make out the words above the ringing in his ears. The vibrations were traveling through Murphy's throat to Bellamy's lips making them tingle, making him aware that he was about to paint Murphy's ass with his seed and that Murphy was going to spill all over his hand but that he hadn't even kissed him yet. 

The simple thought of his lips on Murphy's sent him over the edge. He could feel himself spurting, dick twitching once, twice before he felt Murphy fall too. 

“ oh oh ooohhh daddy. Daddy. Daddy!” Murphy yelled. 

Bellamy froze. 

No no no no this was not supposed to happen. How could he have let something like this happen. Murphy was his to take care of not his to fondle and use to get himself off. Murphy saw him as his friend and his caretaker. As his. . . . daddy. 

And Fuck that thought was not supposed to be as hot as it was. It was not supposed to make his dick twitch again but fuck if it did and Bellamy, Bellamy was pulling away from Murphy before he could even think. He was dragging on his clothes and trying to run out of the room while Murphy tried to drag himself out of bed calling for him. 

“Bell? Bel'meee? What happened? Did I do something wrong? Did you not like it?”

Oh god how did he even begin to answer any of Murphy's questions?

“ Fuck no, no Murph you, you were perfect baby. So fucking perfect” Bellamy ran his hands through his hair, tugging slightly at the ends.”I did. I did something wrong. I'm sorry” he said weakly, unable to meet Murphy's eyes. 

“ what did you do wrong daddy?” 

Bellamys dick twitched behind his half buttoned pants. 

“ Jesus Murphy, I-I I don't think uh, Fuck, please you shouldn't call me that” Bellamy groaned running his hand down his face. 

 

Murphy's whole face fell and the look that flashed across his face was heartbreaking. 

“ you. . . you don't want me? Your gonna leave?” He half accused half asked , eying Bellamy’ hand that still lingered on the door handle. 

“ baby . . .“ he started but Murphy interrupted him, jumping to his feet. 

“No! No you don’t call me baby! You don't wanna be my daddy so you can't call me baby or kitten or cub or kit or puppy or-or- or ANY of the other baby names. You don't wanna take care of me and be my daddy!” Murphy wailed.

Bellamy stared at him shocked and slack jawed. He knew that in private he quietly revelled in calling Murphy baby. A small guilty pleasure that he mostly tried to ignore the meaning of. But he hadn't really noticed the other pet names he used. Yes he knew he hardly ever actually called the boy by his name but he hadn't realized the common link in his nicknames. His denial really was off the charts most days.

“ ok Murphy, your right. I won't do it again alright? Whatever you want Murph.” Bellamy tried, voice low and soothing. 

“I wanted my daddy! I thought you wanted me! But you don't!” Murphy sobbed loudly.

“Murphy please” Bellamy plead “you need to keep your voice down baby” 

“ I'm not your baby!” 

And damn it that shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. But it was like a hot lance through his chest to hear Murphy deny him that way.

“ You don't want me. So- so-so I'm not your baby. Cuz you don't want to take care of me. You said you were going to take care of me. But you lied to me” Murphy said, voice dropping lower and lower. He looked up at Bellamy, his eyes half hidden through his hair but Bellamy could still make out the hurt and confusion in them. Tears made his eyes bright in the low lights.

“Ok, ok. Murphy let's talk about it ok. I think I need to ask you some questions ok? Can we talk please?” 

Bellamy sucked in a relieved breath when Murphy slowly nodded his head. Because yeah they needed to talk and Bellamy needed to know exactly how much of his surroundings Murphy was aware of. How much good day Murphy was able to take in on any given day. He needed to know just how much consent Murphy was aware of in his regular state because Bellamy was desperate for a repeat of what had just happened but not at the cost of Murphys well being

“ You don't wanna take care of me but you want me. You touched me and let me touch you. I-I-I can't do that Bell. I can't let you that close to me and not have you want me” 

Bellamy froze. He wasn't sure how to even begin to explain what had just happened other than yes he did want Murphy. But he still did want to take care of him. And didn't those cancel each other out? How could you see someone as almost wholly dependant on you and also see them as someone who turned you on? How do you go from making sure someone eats to gain weight back to wanting to see how those extra pounds look gripped in his hands? It just wasn't ok to want to tuck Murphy in every night so he doesn't get cold but simultaneously want to peel every stitch off of him and find out how far that blush went. Was it?

“ Murphy I do want to take care of you. I want to make sure your safe and healthy and happy. I want you to come to me to keep you that way. But I can't want this. What happened this morning was wrong. I took advantage and that's why i was leaving. Not because I don't want you.” 

Murphy looked perplexed. The expression on his face making it obvious he wasn't understanding. But the tears that had threatened to fall were gone so Bellamy would take that anyway he could. 

“ Advantage is if I didn't want it though” Murphy said slowly “I want you to touch me. Isn't that making me happy? And I wanna sleep next to you. It makes me feel safe to have your arms around me. And it made you feel good too didn't it?” Murphy bit his lip at the question and Bellamy blushed hot remembering that for all that had occurred between the two that morning, he still had no idea what that lip tasted like.

“ Murphy that's not the point. I can't do. . . .that unless I know you want me too. Unless you really know what it means.” 

Murphy scoffed and it almost sounded like a good day sound. 

“ Bell I know what sex is. Not my first time.” Murphy said fidgeting with the seam of his pants. 

Bellamy pointedly did not look at Murphy's hands while he spluttered “What do you mean its not? Who were you with? Was it down here? In camp?”   
Bellamy had never really felt jealousy before. Never had a reason too when he knew he would never be able to have a real relationship and hide Octavia at the same time. But right then thinking of Murphy hot and panting for someone else made something ice cold twist right behind his rib cage waiting to be let out. 

“Who touched you Murphy” he said.

“Bel'meee” Murphy whined “ I did have a life before. . ... this ya know” he said gesturing down at himself “ not in camp. Don't wanna do that with anyone here. Only. . . . only you Bel'meee. Only wanted you. Cuz you take care of me and keep me safe n healthy n happy. And it makes me feel good. And I want you to make me feel good. All the time. Only you. Every time I feel good I think of you Bel'meee.” 

Jesus. That was a visual that was gonna derail the whole conversation if Bellamy dwelled too long on it. 

“ Murphy I don't think it's a good idea. I think I should only take care of you the way we have been. I mean that's been good for you right? Me and you, hanging out, talking, swimming, going for walks. That's good too right? We're making sure your happy and healthy and safe that way too right? We can keep doing all of that Murphy and that's good stuff but not, not this. This wasn't good.” Bellamy said gesturing to the bed. 

“Not good” Murphy said flatly “ not good.” 

Bellamy didn't look at him. He couldn't. Not right then. Not knowing he would take everything he just said back and that wasn't what he wanted to do. So he stood still, staring at his feet, trying to figure out where he went from there. He heard Murphy moving. Heard the rustle of fabric that told him Murphy was getting dressed. The stupid, stupid part of his hindbrain whimpered at the thought of all that pale, pink flushed skin he had been trying to ignore being covered up. He finally looked up when he felt Murphy try to move past him. 

“ Murphy wait, wait where are you going?” Bellamy tried to reach for Murphy as he yanked open the door. Murphy shrugged him off and stomped his way out of the room. 

“ Murphy please, I won't go with you. Just tell me where you're going so I know where to find you later” Bellamy plead a little desperately. He knew Murphy was upset and an upset Murphy was a bad day Murphy if he was left alone with his mood for too long. 

“You don't care” Murphy spat over his shoulder “you think i'm bad” 

Bellamy's hands fisted in his hair, his desperation slowly morphing into frustration. Murphy didn't understand. He didn't get it. That was exactly why the whole thing was such a bad idea. How could Bellamy believe Murphy knew what he wanted from him if he couldn't even understand why Bellamy was hesitant in the first place. If he couldn't understand the basic fear Bellamy had, that maybe he was hurting him or taking away his choice, then how was he supposed to let Bellamy know that those fears were unfounded. The thought that Murphy would only go along with it all because he thought he had to was enough to make him sick. 

“ damn it Murphy that's not what I said!” he yelled down the corridor, voice echoing loudly through the metal hallway. He saw Murphy jump at the noise and stop walking. 

“ you said it. You said not good. And you said your not my daddy. So that means i'm not your good boy anyways.” Murphy sighed sadly. 

“ I'm gonna go with Raven. She talks nice to me. She always says I'm good” 

Murphy walked away. He disappeared around the corner leaving Bellamy standing in the middle of the hallway trying to decide if he felt guilty over Murphy or jealous over Raven.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man this took forever but I really like how the chapter turned out. Sorry for any weird typos or other mistakes I did my best but well proofreading has always been sucky.
> 
> Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates!   
> Have a great weekend everyone.  
> Thanks for reading!

**Author's Note:**

> In case it wasnt obvious, Murphy came back to camp pretty traumatized. He's pretty regressed but he doesn't think of himself as a child and shouldn't really be thought of as one either.


End file.
